Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Cheap, Obvious, True:
How to be a Good Republican

About four years ago, I got onto the forwarding list of a right-winger who just worships the ground George Bush walks on. This is the Republican from your worst nightmares...who apes every talking point Rush or Fox can come up with. I'm glad I got on this list however, because receiving these emails gives me an insight into the dark side of America that I would never otherwise receive.

Because of these emails, I've learned that Hillary Clinton has insulted Gold Star mothers, that an Iraqi Sculptor melted down bronze statues of Saddam to celebrate the conquering American Hero's and that Obama is the Manchurian Candidate of Islamo-Fascists.

The best things about these right-smears is that they can be spread by the thousands AND it is very hard to squelch their messages because the originator remains safely anonymous and the forwarder bears no responsibility for the mis-truths he forwards.
(See the great article from The Nation on this one for more...it's a good read. Go to: http://www.thenation.com/doc/20071112/hayes)

But every once a while, a great Liberal answer comes back through the either and I print the following email below:

To be a Republican Presidential Candidate you have to believe:

1. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Chaney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

If you don't send this to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '08.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for continuing to fight the good fight! I've seen that email, and we all wish it weren't frighteningly true. But look what we've done already - a black man and a woman have now each won a primary race! How's that for progress? Apparently Ireland is on their third female leader, and we've never had one. We need to evolve, man!